ONLY TIME…

Hello, friends….
Finally, the wedding mania is over. I was busy lately helping with my brother’s wedding that I was thoroughly immersed with the little touchy details that I thought wedding planning is as difficult as finding your groom or bride-to-be these days. I was having vertigo worrying the whole thing, as if it was my wedding! But now I realized, it was not about the panic of the preparation, but the fact that I’m losing a brother (physically!) made me nostalgic. It’s quite funny but I felt that way. I expected wedding day would come to him but I never imagined this day would come too soon. Would you imagine, just composing this piece brought tears to my eyes?

Keep dreaming…
Chille:)


I am Chill. My brother’s name is Jig. Jig & Chill echoes like Jack & Jill, right? I was born, the day after Jig celebrated his very first birthday, which means, he wasn’t able to continue his being reigning star of the family because I intruded. Probably, if he can raise his voice at that time he would object my intrusion. I’m sure he was thinking “how could our parents brought me in when he was just starting to enjoy the world? What would happen to him being put in the middle of an older and younger sister? But luckily he cannot so he didn’t. So I came in and most people thought I’m going to dethrone him of my parent’s attention. On the contrary, it didn’t happen. Siblings’ rivalry was never a problem in our family. In fact, our one-year gap brings us even closer to each other… forming identities and bridging differences. At that time, my older sister Polly found her fondness in dancing and music. Jig was good in drawing and funny tricks and I was hooked in writing, arts and books. But when our younger siblings-- April and Cyril-- came in they carried some of our semblances, but tried to set their own unique niches independently. April is a natural comic and spontaneous soul like Jig while Cyril has found passion for creative arts, as inspired by me and my sister Polly.

Jig and I grew up like twins. The difference maybe, he grew up so fast and tall that I was left growing up slowly and small. Aside from celebrating the same birthday (our official celebration has always been March 16…to save money for blow-out!J), we also have the same set of childhood friends. We were classmates since Grade 1 until our high school years. That’s why we were always successful in deceiving our classmates that we were really born twins. I remember at that time we were not allowed to go home without each other’s company. The burden was heavier for him because he was explicitly tasked of taking care of me. So sometimes, if one of us wanted to do some gimmicks with our own set of friends, we needed to lie to our mom that we have some group study in school or sometimes Jig would instruct me to wait for him at the waiting shed of our village then we’ll walk home together as if we both came from school. Nice tricks huh? There was also a time when he had his right hand caught by a firecracker that I had to do all his formal themes and exams and other assignments in school because he can’t move his hand for a month. I think that was the start of my career as his personal assistant and secretary. He became too dependent on me when it comes to assignments and exams and projects. Would you imagine, he didn’t have a notebook of his own in some of our subjects because he thought what’s the point of having a sister for a classmate if he’ll keep the same notebook as mine? Well, that’s a good point to consider. Not all brothers are blessed with a sister and a classmate rolled into one, right? So I think, he’s just appreciating his gift. As for me, I loved being protected by a big brother like Jig and I enjoyed being tagged as his replicated twin sister, his ever-loyal classmate, and his forever-family crime partner.

When college days came, we had to separate ways. Jig enrolled in TUP-Bacolod while I was accepted at UP-Iloilo. It was tough at first to be physically separated and deported from home. I didn’t have a Jig to make assignments or projects. I didn’t have a Jig to wait for me after school and walk me home. I didn’t have a Jig to protect me far away from home. But those times of not having him made me brave. I got the message that I have to learn how to find my own niche as Jig would soon find his own.

Like today, Jig has come to one of the best times of his lifetime. He finally finds where and who he wants to be and where and whom he wants to rest his heart. He is moving to another important stage of his life. The stage I have never imagined to happen so fast that I, my mom, my dad, and the rest of the family weren’t prepared to face gracefully. We are expecting it to happen but not so soon like this. Maybe, it’s really true that if love finds the right person and the right time, you will also find the right reason to allow it to bloom. And no one, but time, can ever hold, or let go, or suppress what love wants to express. As Enya puts in her song, “Only time can say where the road goes, where the day flows … Only time can say if your love grows as your heart chose. …Only time can say why your heart sighs as your love flies…Only time can say why your heart cries when your love lies…Only time can say that love might be in your heart.”

And yes, to you Khaye, we are more than happy to welcome you in our family. Rest assured that you have found a good soul in my brother. I would like to let you know that knowing my brother Jig, I can say and vouched that he has never loved a soul as intensely… and sincerely… and amazingly as he has loved you and will love you more each day as you start a new life together. Congratulations and I wish you both enough happiness to keep your new life strong and full of blessings.

Now, I realized this moment doesn’t mean losing a brother at all…but rather gaining another sister, gaining another friend…gaining another member of our family.

from Spice & Chills Strongbox…2003 ed. Vol. 12 Jan 2004